I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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