So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
