I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
