Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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