So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
