bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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