Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
