Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
