Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
