Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
