did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
