I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
