i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
