DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
