that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
