Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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