terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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