Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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