my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
