She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
