woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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