Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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