I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
