Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
