so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
