I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
