she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
