so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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