I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
