She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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