it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
