i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Its about making memories worth repressing
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
