I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
