I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
