Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
