Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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