when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
