then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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