Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
