did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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