i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
