i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
