Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
