AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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