I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
