i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
