i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
