apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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