dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
