Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
