you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
