i jhust puked up my retainher.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
