i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
