there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
