i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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