Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
