I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
