He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
