whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's blow job season.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
