they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
